Practicing “Kindness-In”
Compassion toward others—what we might call “kindness-out”—begins with “kindness-in” or self-compassion. Kristin Neff, renowned for her work on self-compassion, describes it as treating oneself with the same kindness you would offer to a dear friend. Especially during moments of suffering, when we embrace self-compassion, we actively provide solace, comfort, and care to our own being, just as we would care for a dear friend.
Contrary to self-indulgence, kindness-in is intrinsically linked to our overall well-being. It acts as a buffer against negative mental states like anxiety, depression, stress, and shame. Additionally, it is a potent catalyst for positive mental states, such as life satisfaction, happiness, gratitude, and confidence. It even plays a role in enhancing our immune function. In a nutshell, self-compassion, or kindness-in, is the wellspring of our strength and resilience.
How proficient are we at exercising kindness in? If you are like most of us, probably not very good. That is to say, if we do not have a healthy sense of self and treat our friends as we often treat ourselves, we might risk losing them.
Mindfulness meditation is one effective practice for nurturing a healthy sense of self and connecting to our deeper, compassionate selves. This practice not only helps us to discern our habitual mental and emotional patterns, but it also illuminates those parts of ourselves we don’t like very much and don’t want to see—those we might even feel shame towards.
What if we conceived of mindfulness meditation as a form of mental hygiene, like the dental hygiene we do for our teeth? Mindfulness meditation as mental hygiene would foster a healthy sense of self—kindness-in. Just as you wouldn’t leave your house in the morning without brushing your teeth, integrating mindfulness meditation into your routine as mental hygiene, would ensure the pause needed to recognize your internal state and practice kindness-in. It would become an indispensable part of preparing yourself to engage with the world and proficiently manifest kindness-out.